When I Grow Up

when i grow up i want to be
nothing much
least of all me

i want to get old
i want to get fat
i want to be battered
with a baseball bat
maybe have a stroke
or a heart attack
or respiratory failure
and that will be that

i want to be a victim
of a hideous crime
i want to be burgled
time after time

i want to be victimised
in my care home
locked in a cupboard
all alone

i want to to be savaged
by a vicious dog
struck by lightening
and betrayed by God

perhaps run over
by a very drunk driver
or be stabbed many times
with a blunt screwdriver

but of all the things i want to be
the one thing i'd hate
would be to be me

ae
Mar 2004