The following squads have just been announced for the 2002 World Cup:

                   BRAZILIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                Pinnochio

                                  Libero

                  Vimto     Memento    Borneo     Tango

                        Cheerio         Subbuteo

                      Scenario             Fellatio

                                 Portfolio

         SUBS:

         Placebo
         Porno
         Polio
         Banjo
         Brasso
         Stereo (L)
         Stereo (R)
         Hydrochlorofluoro
         Aristotle


                        YUGOSLAVIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                       Itch

                Annoyingitch     Hardtoreachitch     Scratchanitch

                   Hic         Sic          Spic         Pric

                           Digaditch       Fallinaditch

                                 Horseraditch
         SUBS:

         Mowapitch
         Letsgetrich
         Shagabitch


                       RUSSIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                               Whodyanicabolicov

                     Ticlycov    Chesticov     Nasticov

                        Slalomsky        Downhillsky

                   Risky        Swedishshev     Mastershev

                          Fuckov          Taykitov

         SUBS:

         Rubitov
         Gechakitov
         Sodov
         Pastryshev
         Najinsky
         Desert Orchid


                         ROMANIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                Chatanoogaciouciou

                     Atishiou        Blessiou        Thankyiou

                          Busqueue            Snookercu

                 Pennyciou       Twoapennyciou     Fourapennyciou

                       I'llgetciou       Youandwhosarmi

         SUBS:

         U
         NonU
         ManU
         Stuffyiou
         Lee Kwan Yu


                           DANISH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                  Toomanigoalssen

                  Tryandstopussen   Crapdefenssen     Haveagossen

                           Firstsson         Seccondsson

                                     Thirdsson

                   Legshurtssen               Notroubleseeingussen

                        Wherestheballssen    Getthebeerssen

         SUBS:

         Howmanygoalsisthatssen
         Finallygaveupcountinssen
         Hurryupandblowthewhistlessen
         Yourelatedtoalexfergusonssen


                         ITALIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                      Baloni

                  Potbelli        Beerbelli       Giveitsumwelli

                   Wotsontelli   Toonsgotkenni     Onetoomani

                          Legslikejelli         Havabenni

                           Wobblijelli     Spendapenni

         SUBS:

         Cantthinkofani!!!
         Buggermi


                           MEXICAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                     San Francisco

                Costa Brava     Hopelez    Juan Andonly    Manuel Gearbox

                  Don Criformi-Argentina     Bodegas    Luis Canon

                                      Sombrero

                               Chihuahua       Jose

         SUBS:

         Jesus Maria Don Key
         Burrito
         Speedy Gonzalez
         Tequila
         Caramba


                          DUTCH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2002

                                  Kenning van Hire

          Van Diemansland   Van der Valk   Van Gard    Van Erealdizeez

             Ad van Tagus    Hertz van Rental   Transit van Dors

                   Van Coova   Van Sprokendown   Aye van Hoe

         SUBS:

         Van Iller
         Van Ishincreme
         Van Morrison



         News reaches us that Brazilian striker Fellatio no longer has
         a limp. This could prove to be a major blow.

         Two players who are not included are Russian hard-man Sendimov,who
         will be serving a three-month suspension, and the hard-working
         Mexican midfielder, Manuel Labor.

         There is no place in the Dutch squad for sweeper, Dick van Dyke.